


Confession in Flame

by Nebulad



Series: Nature of the Gods [1]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pre-Romance, post-Defiance Bay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 18:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16101761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulad/pseuds/Nebulad
Summary: Guilt chewed at the inside of Aloth’s chest as Raul’s warm, wet eyes turned to him. For a second he just… incoherently wanted to make this whole horrible night stop happening. It felt like his fault— he hadn’t met with anyone for months but somehow this still felt like he’d let it happen, let the Watcher fumble in the dark without evening knowing that he was blind. “What’s happening?” he asked hoarsely, and Aloth turned his head sharply.“I need to tell you something. Can we… take a moment?”





	Confession in Flame

Maybe… just  _ maybe  _ there was a more opportune time for Aloth to confess. Certainly…  _ months  _ ago, gods,  _ months  _ in the past he should’ve said something. The very moment Raul and Kana began discussing The Leaden Key would have been the perfect time to speak up and say  _ you know actually, in my experience this is all very bizarre and shouldn’t be happening;  _ but no, Aloth had chosen his time to admit to his involvement with the cult that’d been desperately trying to kill them all. With Defiance Bay burning against their back, he stopped dead and clenched his fists.

Pallegina noticed first, slowing to turn back to him. “Is something wrong, wizard? Besides the…” she trailed off, her eyes drifting towards the thick black smoke coming from the city. “... obvious.”

No one else took note of him, but to be fair he didn’t expect them to. Normally it’d be surprising that Raul was so inattentive, but the godlike seemed to be on the precipice of some sort of breakdown; considering everything that’d happened in the city in the past few hours, Aloth tried not to be offended. Edér was the next to notice, and reached out to stop the Watcher.

Guilt chewed at the inside of Aloth’s chest as Raul’s warm, wet eyes turned to him. For a second he just…  _ incoherently  _ wanted to make this whole horrible night  _ stop happening.  _ It felt like his fault— he hadn’t met with anyone for  _ months _ but somehow this still felt like he’d let it happen, let the Watcher fumble in the dark without evening knowing that he was blind. “What’s happening?” he asked hoarsely, and Aloth turned his head sharply.

“I need to tell you something. Can we… take a moment?” No one was chasing after them, largely due to Raul’s even temper and honest disposition— no one had any reason to be angry at him. He was moderate at the worst, and the city had fanatics that required much more pressing attention.

He walked over, gesturing the group ahead a little. They needed the rest anyway; Pallegina was filled with pent up fury, and Edér’s mouth was drawn into a tight line. Sagani almost immediately dropped to take a seat next to Itumaak, her head turned away from the gate of Defiance Bay.

“Don’t tell me you have another personality tucked in there somewhere,” he said with a weak smile, and Aloth compulsively smoothed his cloak.

He offered a weak smile in exchange for an equally weak joke. “Would that that were it.” Fear gripped his gut violently, and he struggled to control the trembling in his hands. “I have not been entirely honest about my motives for travelling with you up until this point,” he started, specifically avoiding meeting the Watcher’s eye. He couldn’t bear it. “When I finished my training in Aedyr—” he continued in a rush, “—I was introduced to an organisation.”

Silence rang for a moment, until Raul’s whisper broke it. “Oh Aloth, no.”

“All I knew was that they were against the unchecked spread of animancy and that they could…” The Watcher took a small step back, just far enough to support his weight against the inexplicably damp stone of the nearby wall. “Please, just listen,” he begged, and upon receiving no response he kept going. “They could guarantee me a posting far away from Cythwood, my— my father… his erl. At that time it was enough.”

He could feel now that the rest of the group was watching them, but it was anyone’s guess as to whether or not they could hear the sordid confession happening before them. Even if they could only see, the tableau before them was not encouraging— Raul was slumped against the wall and staring at his feet, while Aloth hovered anxiously and attempted to suppress the urge to straighten something. “Go on,” he was told, only just then noticing that he’d stopped talking.

“I-In the early years—”

_ “Years?” _ He flinched although Raul hadn’t moved. It was the… tone— not the same, of course. Raul would never lift a hand against him, or…  _ wouldn’t  _ have. Perhaps Aloth was an enemy now, but the point was that he was jumping at something cruel that simply didn’t exist within the godlike’s large frame. “How many?”

“I came to Dyrwood a little over a year ago,” he whispered, face hot with shame. He’d told so many lies in the beginning, and it hadn’t mattered then except now… now it mattered so much and he couldn’t take any of them back. “My orders were to gather information on animancy in the region, and report to a senior contact every few months. She sent me to the Gilded Vale to keep an eye on Raedric, but I lost track of her shortly after that.” Knowing what he knew now… gods only knew what’d become of her. “By the time we met, I’d been on my own for a couple of months.”

“Did you know I was coming?” he asked flatly.

Aloth stiffened. “No! I couldn’t have, I hadn’t been in contact with anyone. No, I just needed some direction, and then you showed up and… the ruins, and you…  _ you...” _ It’d been an easy guess that The Leaden Key would be interested in Raul— that he himself had been was unexpected, to say the least. “I  _ knew  _ The Leaden Key was trying to stop animancy, but what we’ve seen? Murder, sabotage, abandoning entire districts to shambling ruins— gods, Defiance Bay is burning right behind us.”

And that was the crux of it. He’d viewed the Key as a balance struck between being stark raving mad like the Dozens, or power hungry and indifferent like the Crucible. Where Raul had gravitated towards the third party power player, Aloth had thought he was doing the right thing— it had to be  _ stopped,  _ all this soul madness that gripped Dyrwood, but that didn’t mean he had to tie his wagon to the first band of backwards simpletons to solve their problems with public executions.

He said none of that out loud, of course, because this was… too much. The time was inopportune and he shouldn’t have let himself be so overwhelmed by what’d happened that he burst because the Watcher was only barely holding on as it was. “So what now?” Raul asked softly.

“I… I’m still not sure about animancy.” A diplomatic way of saying so, but call it an old instinct kicking in— he didn’t want to goad the man who was certainly angry at him. “But I know I’ve been following the wrong master. Please, accept my apology  _ and  _ my service. Let me fight with you to stop Thaos.”

The godlike’s head sagged low and he huffed. “I’m not your master, Aloth,” he said, running his hands down his face. Soot stuck to both, so the gesture was moot as a means of cleaning either.

“Of course; you’re right. I… worded that poorly.” It was so difficult to picture, sometimes, Raul being under anyone’s power— or anyone wishing to keep him under their thrall, kind and attentive as he was. Still, the jagged scars on his back told a story of servitude that Aloth wanted to respect. “I only meant that… I don’t want you to send me away. I know that I lied but—”

His voice was softer this time, momentary exhaustion wearing off. “I’m not going to do that either.”

He shouldn’t have— well, the statement didn’t comfort him. For some reason his gut immediately believed that Raul was going to… he stepped back, his chest suddenly fluttering.  _ Don’ be daft,  _ Iselmyr scolded as he tried to retreat into himself. Caught on the surface of his skin, his eyes flashed to where the others were just… standing. Watching.

Edér beat Raul to the punch, sauntering up with a terse attempt at looking casual. He leaned backwards, his eyes fixed on the smoke in the sky. “I still feel kinda attached,” he admitted, “even with the betrayal. He’s got this way of taking offence that I really like.” True to character, Aloth pushed down violently on his offence and Iselmyr simultaneously. “Tough one.”

“A team can’t survive without trust,” Sagani said, still looking at Itumaak. Her expression was inscrutable. “But, I think he means it, Raul.”

“And we’re just supposed to trust him on his word?” Pallegina demanded. He winced.

“Yes, we are.” Aloth’s eyes flew open and he looked at Raul. The Watcher straightened up, squaring his shoulders— he was framed by flame, his cloak rustling in the hot breeze. “Aloth isn’t a convenient ally, he’s our  _ friend  _ and he’s taken on as many cultists as we have by now.” They all waited for a moment, but apparently that was all Raul had in him— he let his stance drop and rubbed his eyes, still trying in vain to clean himself up.

Aloth’s shoulders sagged as the others drifted away to seek further sanctuary from the fire, but he wasn’t sure if the emotion he felt was relief. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, as if the act of forgiving him was taking on some sort of burden; or that somehow, Raul could relieve himself of the guilt of Defiance Bay by casting it to him. He didn’t  _ like  _ animancy— gods, he couldn’t even think of something he  _ might  _ like about it, given time and immersion— but what had happened at the sanitarium… that wasn’t right. The burning and the fighting and the screaming wasn’t right.

When he looked up, Raul was standing closer and reached out for his hand. Glancing furtively back at the others, all otherwise occupied for the moment, he took it and pressed it against his chest. “I’ve forgiven you, Aloth, and I need you beside me for this,” he said quietly, and the wizard almost imagined he could hear Raul’s voice right against his hand— the low hum of his chest vibrating right into Aloth’s by this bridge between them.

“I’m here,” he responded automatically, certain that the whisper he’d managed to force out of his mouth wasn’t nearly as moving.

“Then you don’t have anything to apologise about.” Raul smiled and fluidly pulled him into a hug, squeezing his shoulders. Aloth’s whole body tensed for just a heartbeat, where he registered the Watcher’s whole body and this tacit… forgiveness. He let his forehead droop to the man’s shoulder at the same time he awkwardly placed his hands on his biceps, for lack of any other dignified position. There was a warmth in the very core of his gut, spreading leisurely even as Raul let go and gave him a tired, halfhearted sort of smile. “Let’s go home,” he offered, and Aloth could think of nothing he wanted more.

**Author's Note:**

> If I post it while it's like 130 in the morning and summarily forget that I posted it then I can never feel bad that's not me that's science.
> 
> Anyway, [I'm making a game](https://nebulous.itch.io/manor-hill) that's set to update very soon with brand spanking new art and everything. [This is my blog](https://nebulaad.tumblr.com) where you can hear me complain about things.


End file.
